White Flag
by Cyd the Squid
Summary: Events begin to spiral out of control when Buffy discovers Spike is still alive and she was never told. In an effort to gain control of her life, Buffy sets out on an adventure that leads to a journey of self-discovery for the whole gang.
1. Chapter 1

I already have six chapters of this story completed, so hopefully I can stay ahead, if I post once every weekday and keep writing.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

_Timeline: January 2004_

She couldn't believe it. She absolutely couldn't believe it! As she stormed through the halls of the Watcher's Training Center in England, Buffy wavered between feelings of elation, anger, and despair.

Spike was back. He came back just like she had – a miracle. But did he feel like he needed to let her know? Oh no. Nope, no need to let Buffy in on these small happenings, miracles, thingamabobs, whatever you wanted to call it.

Slayers-in-Training quickly moved out of the Head Slayers way. She was moving like a freight train, and she had storm clouds over her head. Someone was in big trouble, and most figured it was a big bad. But then again who knew with Buffy these days, she either seemed depressed or angry, and she shifted from one mood to the other quite quickly - most just steered clear.

But soon the subject of Buffy's anger became clear as she trekked through a hall few were allowed to enter. As she rounded a corner, the secretary to the Head of the Watcher's Council stammered, "Ms. Buffy, he's in a meet…"

The door to the Head's office slammed open and inside the two men jumped and both heads swiveled to the door. The Head of the Watcher's Council's eyes rolled after getting over the initial shock, "Buffy, right now is really not the time…"

"Too bad, Giles," she sneered. "Now never seems to be the time to deal with me, and usually, I let that go. But not now! How could you have not told me?" Her voice wavered, "How? You know how depressed I've been. You have everyone watching me, even when I think I'm alone, I know the witches are watching me. But still, you think it's better to keep this a secret?" Her voice rose and grew stronger as she continued. "You know how much I've missed him. He was gone for only a small window of time, and you could have been saving me but instead you continued to let me deteriorate?" She scoffed, "some great watcher you are!"

"Now really, Buffy, let's not be so dramatic. We discussed…"

"We, WE, discussed. You in on this too, Xander?" Buffy asked the other man in the office.

"Well, Buff, we did think it was for the best…"

Buffy suddenly waved her hands. "Stop," she said quietly. Her face got a look of utter defeat, "just stop. I'm done. Absolutely, irrevocably done."

"Now Buffy," Giles intoned, "what do you mean 'you're done.'"

"Just what I said. I'm tired of being pawns in your little game. You now have thousands of pawns to play with, but still it's 'let's decide what's best for Buffy.' I'm 23, and I'm tired of being treated as if I don't have a brain. Giles, you yourself used to tell me how smart I was, but now…" She trailed off. What could she say?Ever since the First, they'd been treating her as second-rate; not the leader. And it had only gotten worse as time went on. Now she was just an automaton – a killing machine. Without Spike there to protect her interests, no one even paid attention to her. And sure, she could stand up for herself but what was the point? Why fight?

"I have enough money from the insurance and my back pay for being a slayer, which I do have to say is the one thing I do appreciate, to move away and retire. And why not? You don't need me to save the world anymore."

"But Buff.."

"But Buffy…" Giles and Xander said together.

"It's your duty," Giles completed.

"And," Xander argued, "you'll be splitting up the Scooby gang."

Buffy snorted, "Duty? You have thousands to do my duty."

"And Xander, the Scooby gang has been dead a long time. Remember those naïve youngsters who fought the good fight and would always win? Yeah, they died a long time ago, before I even died, I think. Maybe it was when Jenny Calendar died, or possibly after, when Willow's own mom tried to kill her for being a witch. You take your pick. But the hard times didn't pull us together, they pulled us apart. And I don't know if there will ever be a glue to tie us back together, so I'm done."

At that Buffy spun and stormed off down the hall.

Xander and Giles looked at each other and sighed. Giles pulled off his glasses and began to polish them.

"We may have made a huge tactical error, Xander."

"I didn't think she'd ever quit. How do we fix this?"

"I do not know if we can."


	2. Chapter 2

Notes: So for all readers and reviewers, I apologize for the mishap in the timeline. Buffy-verse Timeline is not my thing, and as of now, I don't have a beta I have corrected two major flaws in my first chapter – 1) Buffy is 23 (to fix everything w/ Angel's timeline because there will be some mixing) and 2) a minor edit, the issue with Jenny and Willow's potential death at the hands of her mother. Again, I apologize for those mistakes, and if you catch any more, please let me know. But I really think I've fleshed out any timeline mishaps.

FYI – I will be jumping back and forth in Angel's timeline and Buffy's timeline, so any Spike lovers don't have to wait four or more chapters for him to show up. Just watch each chapter to see which month we're in.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

_Timeline: May 2004_

Spike was pissed. He was ready for some destruction – of any kind. He'd have taken it out on the Poof if Angel's face had been around to take it out on, but of course the Poof had to go take care of another issue. So instead he took it out on the plane hangar.

He knew that Angelus had done this on purpose. Brought him here to Rome and then just happened to let him see Buffy almost humping the Immortal on the dance floor. Spike had been hoping for a glorious reunion, but instead felt as if he had the air punched out of him.

He had been standing there waiting for Angel to finish his business with the barkeep when he had seen the back of her head. Then the Immortal looked right up at him and smirked. If it wouldn't have upset Buffy and the Poof, he would have gone down there right then and torn that smug vampire's head right off his bloody shoulders. But that would have caused a scene that neither Angel needed nor Buffy would have wanted.

I mean, he had come to terms with the fact that Buffy had never loved him, but he had hoped that she wouldn't have moved on quite so quickly. And with another bloody vampire? He was starting to get Angel's fixation with the whole "another bloody vampire thing!" He was even beginning to think it was an obsession with the bint.

Spike tore another hole through the wall of the hangar.

He loved her so damn much, but maybe Angel was right. Angel, right? Didn't even sound good in his own head. He'd never give Angel the satisfaction of saying it out loud, but maybe it was time to let her go and let her move on. He'd just be another fond memory.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

_Timeline: January 2004_

Buffy sighed as she looked around her new apartment. It was nice, quaint but perfect for her.

And it was just her. Dawn had decided to stay in England and finish her schooling and then attend Oxford. She then wanted to train to be a Watcher. And although Buffy felt it was misguided, she also believed Dawn had to figure that out for herself.

Ever since she had heard that story of the "rape" attempt from Xander and Buffy had tried to defend him, Dawn had shut Buffy out. She felt her sister was weak for allowing someone to get away with that and then forgiving them. No matter what Buffy tried to say in Spike's defense, Dawn would turn from the room before Buffy could get a word out. She'd wanted to explain all the horrible things she'd done to Spike – the utter mess and destruction she'd made out of his life. The absolute abuse – both verbal and physical - he'd put up with from her, for her. But no one would listen.

Hell, if it'd been before, she wouldn't have listened either. Before what, she doesn't know. But some time in the year that Spike was gone getting his soul, something had happened to her. She'd become more introspective and less talky Buffy, though no one seemed to have noticed. Probably because she'd been so verbally quiet after her resurrection. But at some point in the year, the all encompassing noise in her head had finally quieted. She finally felt as if she could breathe and think normally. But instead of filling up the quiet with words, and silly words at that, as she would have in high school and in her first year of college, she began to listen.

She suddenly heard the bitterness in everyone's voices, the resignation in Giles, and the pleading in Dawn's. But at the time, she had no idea what to do to fix everyone. Maybe if she'd stepped in at that point as a leader, things would have been OK, but she still felt as if she needed to fix herself first. As she'd watched, she began to see how people perceived her – selfish, calculating, and a failure.

She could see a failure – yeah, she'd given up in the past year. Who wouldn't have, she'd died and she thought she was finished. Then whoops, never mind, we're putting you back to fight all over again.

And calculating – OK, she fought evil on a daily basis, she had to be. But she didn't think she used it against her friends. But Giles thought she was using his guilt of abandoning her, to make the others stick around and try to bring him back. But really, she thought it was his duty plain and simple – to be her Watcher. The others could leave, but wasn't that what the Council paid him for?

But selfish? She still couldn't wrap her mind around this one. She saved the world on a daily basis. She put her life on the line for the entire world for no compensation or award. Explain to her how that made her selfish? Outside of her hold on Spike when she begged him to stay, she felt that she was no more or less selfish than anyone else in the "Scooby Gang."

So she tried to fix it, but then the First came, and it used everyone's fears and thoughts against each other. It only exasperated the problems that were already there. And before she knew it, she'd been kicked out of her own house. She still didn't truly understand how the First hadn't been able to get Spike to also turn on her, but at the time, she'd only felt relief. Relief that someone cared enough to stand by her – even after all she'd done to him.

And so that's what Buffy had decided to do to give back to humanity and to Spike for his utter loyalty – loyalty in return. Regardless, if he didn't love her anymore, she did – love him. She hadn't lied in the cave. She had meant to tell him after they made it out, but when she realized that wasn't going to happen; she wanted him to realize that he'd have her love for eternity.

So instead of loving him from two separate worlds as she thought she was going to have to, she'd love him from afar in this world by watching over him – though if he knew it, he'd protest that the Big Bad didn't need protecting. It made her feel safe knowing that he was safe.

So she'd moved herself into a small apartment in LA. She'd gotten a great deal, something about it being "haunted." Perfect space for an ex-Slayer.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

_Timeline: January 2004_

Giles did not know what to do. The Watcher's Council was literally falling apart around him. Although the Council had always had plenty of resources, they literally could not support the number of slayers that had been called with Willow's spell. They did not have the Watchers, Witches, or funds to handle the new group.

He paced his small office. And to top it off, Buffy had quit.

He knew he had made mistakes, but so had everyone else. Things were spiraling out of control, and he did not know how to stop it. So he did the only thing he knew he could do, call the remaining Scooby Gang together and ask them. They were to show up in less than ten minutes, and he still did not know what he was going to tell them.

A soft knock startled Giles from his thinking. "Enter," he called.

"Hi, Giles," Willow stated softly.

Giles nodded to her. It had been remarkable the transformation that had taken place within her since she had cast the spell that caused all the SIT's to become full Slayers. Gone was the loud, abrasive girl that had been created during the ordeal with Glory, but instead she had become almost like Tara. She was much more grounded in her magic. She had been the one to protest his and Xander's decision to not tell Buffy about Spike, but they had not listened. Giles was becoming convinced that they should listen to Willow's words more now than ever.

Dawn followed quickly behind Willow. "Hey," she bubbled over, as she quickly came and hugged Giles. Dawn, Giles knew, needed a grounding force. He was trying to be a father figure to her, but she was not responding. He knew she needed a mentor, one who would allow her to see who her sister really was because as of now, Dawn resented her sister and Giles was reluctant to delve into why.

And Xander. Poor Xander - loyal as ever, but lost. He was trying to keep the "original" Scooby Gang together but was struggling with that. Giles figured it was due to him becoming disillusioned with the idea of fighting evil. More often than not, Xander had seen good win, but only at significant cost. Giles knew it was hard to convince other's to fight evil when you knew it would only be at great personal sacrifice – family, lovers, and friends.

"So G-man, what's up? Why'd you call us all together like this." Giles only mock-glared at the nickname knowing it was a lost cause to fight it.

"We have a significant problem." All eyes quickly turned full force to look at him, and it seemed as if all breathing had ceased. "Although the Watcher's Council seems to have unlimited resources, it does not. We are quickly running out of funds to support the vast numbers of Slayers, Watchers, and Witches, that we currently have in training. Beyond the fact of funds, we also do not have enough staff support or enough places to house all of these Slayers."

"I am also concerned with the fact that the First was able to gain a foothold in this dimension due to the imbalance of Slayers. The fact remains that the Slayer is to be 'one girl in all the world.'"

"But, Giles," Dawn interrupted, "think how nice it is that Slayers will be able to quit," she spit the word out, "or die, at no loss to the Council. We just move on to the next slayer. It's also great having a mass force to use to take out the next really Big Bad or Hellmouth."

"I understand that Dawn, but do you not also see that it is a detriment. Instead of seeing the Slayer as special, we will begin to see her as expendable. We will become even worse than the Council that Buffy worked for – thinking the Slayer can be told exactly what to do or else. How much worse does it become when we no longer care for our Slayers because we have another at our beck and call? Beyond the detrimental factor, it is not feasible."

Willow seemed to relax in her chair as if some unseen tension had left her body. "Giles is right. I had been trying to avoid saying something, but it was coming to a head. The Witches of the Council can no longer properly assist the Slayers, and the magic that creates the Slayer power is strained. Magic such as this, magic that's supported by Earth is delicate, and I think we've thrown it off. The Earth gave me the power to do what was needed at the time, but I think it was supposed to be a short-lived spell and we need to give the power back."

"But what happens when we do that?" Xander asked. "Does a new slayer get called; or does it revert to the way it was before the spell? What I mean to ask is do we need to tell Buffy and Faith we're thinking about doing the spell or will it affect them at all?"

Dawn mumbled, "How do we even get a hold of Buffy? She sure disappeared without leaving a forwarding address."

"For now, I think we just need to worry about doing research before we worry about the next steps. But we need to move quickly. I want us all working on this, nothing else. But I do not want word of this to leak to anyone else. It could cause mass chaos and insubordination. If you find anything, report back here immediately. Understood?"


	5. Chapter 5

Thanks to all those who've given reviews – they certainly inspire me to write more, and often times they give me new ideas for either another story or spin me off in new directions on this one.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

_Timeline: From here on out - May 2004_

Spike glared across Angel's desk. "What are you thinking about? This is ludicrous! You're going to get us all killed, you git. All these people who profess to be your friends and have stuck beside you through almost everything – those people - dead."

"I get it, Spike. But what else are we supposed to do? Do you have any better answers? We're in too deep now to pull out, and anyone who wants to leave can."

"Just because you might be brought back to life due to the Shanshu Prophecy doesn't mean the rest of us will. Sometimes I think that's all you worry about – yourself. Stupid poof," Spike mumbled under his breath. "But you already know my choice. I've cheated death once; maybe I'll do it again. And if not, what do I have to live for anyway?"

Angel rolled his eyes. Spike vaguely alluding to Buffy again, what was new? But he knew how it felt. She drew you in and then never let you go. Even if you could fall in love with someone else, she always had a small part of your heart. But Angel knew the real reason Spike was helping with this madness…it wasn't because he didn't have anything to live for, it's that he wanted to give her something to live in.

The Circle of the Black Thornwere going to kill everyone if they had their way. All humans, all good. Their plan – an earth totally overrun with demons. To think, Angelus would have thought this was great, but Angel was just sick about the whole plan, and if he could help end it maybe it would redeem him from all the horrible deeds he had committed. Maybe not, but it didn't matter, he had to save the world for Connor, Buffy, Wes, Gunn, and all the others. He didn't have a choice. He was love's slave just as much as Spike; he just didn't wear it as much on his sleeve.

Spike fumed across Angel's desk, he just didn't see another option. It seemed he would love Buffy to death, again. He was convinced he was the Power that Be's pawn – kill him, bring him back to life, kill him, and, Spike hoped, bring him back to life again. But like he told Angel, what did it matter?

"Angel, I'm going out to do reconnaissance and hunt. I need to kill something before I kill you."

Angel nodded his acknowledgement and watched Spike sweep out of the room, his duster billowing out behind him.

Spike rode down the elevator and moved through the front doors of Wolfram and Hart into the night. As he moved, he twitched slightly. He couldn't figure it out, for the past few months he could swear someone had been following him but he could never pinpoint the other's location. Whoever his tag-a-long was, they were good. Always staying out of range of his senses: sight, hearing, and smell.

He'd backtracked a few times, but whoever was following was an amazing hunter, they knew how to cover up their tracks. They left no clues behind, not even a scent. They were using some sort of magical cover, of that Spike was sure. It was a mystery to be sure, but regardless, the tracker didn't seem to be a threat as of yet. Spike wasn't sure if they were friend or foe, but as of now they were no direct danger and Spike had bigger threats to worry about than someone who was tracking him.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Buffy slowed down a little more. She was sure Spike could feel someone following him; although she was sure she had taken enough precautions that he would never suspect it was her. She'd gone to a local coven in Los Angeles, one not connected with the Watcher's Council, and asked them to set-up some wards to protect her from detection – detection from Spike and the Watcher's Council.

Although she didn't necessarily care if Spike knew she was in LA, she didn't want him to feel obligated. The Watcher's Council, on the other hand, could stuff it – especially Giles. She wasn't over what they had done, and she didn't want them to come find her, at least not yet. She'd know when the time was right, but not yet.

She was coming to the conclusion that something was happening with Angel and the gang. They'd become more reclusive, than even was usual for Angel. They weren't taking on new cases, and everyone, except for Spike, had stopped hunting for demons. She'd been hearing murmurs of a big demon show down. Some sort of hornet's nest that Angel had stirred up.

Some of the more peaceful demons had already begun to move out of LA, though from what they were saying it might not make a difference. End of the world stuff. She was sort of tired of that, you know demons threatening to end the world. And to top it off, she knew Angel hadn't contacted the Watcher's Council and since Giles had decided to not put any Slayers in LA due to Angel's presence, she was pretty sure he had no clue what was about to go down.

It was up to her. Although she had quit the Watcher's Council, again, she had known she wasn't truly giving up her duty just shifting priorities a little. Again, it was time for her to save the world. But something inside her told her to wait just a little longer before calling in reinforcements. For now, she'd trust her instincts. They'd rarely led her wrong before and she didn't think they were leading her wrong now.

As Spike finished his circuit and re-entered Wolfram and Hart, she turned and headed toward the nearest cemetery. It was her turn to hunt, and she wanted to test something out. Lately, she had begun to notice slight changes in her skills and technique. She seemed to move faster and her senses were becoming stronger. Her spidey-sense at times went into full overdrive; it almost made her feel as if she had electricity running through her body. It was different than anything she'd ever felt before as a slayer. She'd ask Giles what it might be if he was around; however, she was going to have to try to figure out this one on her own.


	7. Chapter 7

Author's Notes: So I apologize for my lack of updating. I swear I'm going to finish this story, but it's just going to take a little while. I'm currently working my master's thesis, and I'm in crunch time regarding summer research. As I write, I promise I will update. I just ask for your patience.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Giles rubbed the bridge of his nose. They'd been researching the issue of the Slayers for months now, and they hadn't found anything. He was getting frustrated. What was even worse was that he was afraid when the issue was resolved; there would no longer be a Watcher's Council. He had sent as many of the Slayers-in-Training home as possible with strict instructions not to hunt. Although it seemed good to have all the Slayers on-call at all times and possibly rid the world of demons, less slayers in training meant less people to pay and meant the possibility of a Watcher's Council in six months time.

A soft knock caused his concentration to break. "Come in, Willow." No one knocked quite like her – softly but still with authority.

"Hey, Giles. I think I found something. It's in an obscure text, but it mentions the Slayer becoming one. It says here that the spirit that created the Slayer was once shattered, or it may say in the beginning the Slayer essence was in many pieces. Regardless, what is indisputable is the fact that the text says that the only way for the Slayer essence to achieve its purpose is for it to be one."

"Giles, it says that the Powers that Be always meant for the Slayer essence to inhabit only one body. Funnily, it says nothing about the sex or type of body the essence has to inhabit, except the vessel that carries the essence must have a soul."

"No Willow, it would not. Those specific stipulations were set by a spell created by the Watcher's Council. In order to be able to track the Slayer's essence into its next target, the Watcher's Council had to place some parameters on the essence of the Slayer so the Council could train potentials from an early age. Now, it did not always work – take Buffy for example. She was a complete surprise which is why she was not found until after she became the Slayer."

"But this answers many of the questions that I always felt were unanswered after we found the scythe. Why did the Council not have multiple Slayers in place from the beginning? Even if they did not want thousands of Slayers, they could have split the essence into ten and had ten solid Slayers in place. But from what you are explaining to me Willow and from what I am reading as I look over this text, eventually it would weaken all the slayers to a degree that they would become absolutely powerless to fight demons." Giles paced his office. Finally, they were actually going to be able to take action.

"Giles, we have to complete this spell. The sooner, the better."

"I agree, Willow. We just have to let all the slayers that are now active in the field know that we are going to be performing the spell and when. It would be horrible if they were unawares and went out slaying after we performed the spell unaware they had lost all their powers."

Willow nodded. "Why don't you and Dawn contact the active slayers? I am going to gather the covens and discuss the best time to perform the spell and have everyone waiting. Not only are we going to have to draw the essence of the slayer together, but we are also going to have to perform the guiding spell created by the Watcher's Council. Those are two very powerful spells, and we are going to need time to prepare."

"Yes, and Willow? Have you been able to find Buffy, yet?"

"No. It's like she has disappeared – soul and all. However, I have a spell running actively searching for her. If she does show up, I'll know immediately. She can't stay hidden forever."


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Buffy knew it was getting close. There were fewer and fewer demons out as she hunted at night. And that is truly what she had become, a huntress. When she patrolled, she was actively searching for a threat. With her new senses, she didn't have to search. She could smell everything around for miles, she could see anything within a two to three hundred yard distance as if that thing were standing right next to her, and if they were hiding behind something she could hear them – not just them breathing or moving, but their heartbeat or the way the wind shifted over them.

And to top it off, if they possessed any type of body temperature it was like their bodies gave off a different vibe – she could almost feel it. And funnily enough, though vampires' bodies are room temperature, the blood that runs through them – heated with energy. The new senses were enlightening.

Hunting was no longer any type of threat to her. It had almost become boring; but with the unknown looming on the horizon, she was using it to her advantage. Now she could easily sneak up on an enemy – quickly and stealthily. Most times she felt like she glided over the earth. She would sneak up, as she was doing now, and quickly take down her prey without killing them. Much easier to get the answers she sought.

However, the answers now were getting more difficult to secure. That's how she knew something was happening; all the "pure blood" demons had literally disappeared off of the LA streets. The only demons, outside of the peaceful ones, that she was able to get a hold of were vampires. And since most pure blood demons hated to work with mixed blood vampires, she wasn't getting many answers.

But she was slowly forming an accurate picture. Angelus had worked his way into something called the Black Thorn, and the Black Thorn was planning something big. As one surfer type vampire had put it – 'mondo big.' The only thing Buffy was unsure of was if Angel was now Angelus and helping the Black Thorn, or if he was posing and planning on bringing the whole thing down.

But, she had decided either way it didn't matter. World endage was world endage, and it was time to let the Watcher's Council know, regardless of how reticent she was to do it.

She also knew it was time to contact another unknown factor.


End file.
